by David Farrer
2/25/02
llrd@iup.edu
Where do you meet women?
Theanswer is everywhere.
Youhave to keep your eyes and ears open.
Thelast place you should look for a quality women is at
a bar. Iknow that this
is standard practice for most college aged men, but herewe are talking about
quality women, not quantity.
Barsare a good place if you are looking for a one night stand or just a short,
but fun, fling. You can
meet women just about anywhere that people go, like the grocery store,church
and class. Iwill provide
a template for dating, understand this is not set in stoneand personal judgment
should always be used.
Thefocus of this paper is dating quality women.
The Approach
So how do you approach women and
not look tacky or like your trying topick them up?
This takesskill, a lot of practice and must importantly
a lot of rejections. Yes
rejections, you’ll never get good at talking to women or dating with
outgetting over your fear of rejection.
Noone likes to be rejected, but this is a necessary part of life, not just
dating. The first partis
the approach or “breaking the ice” which can be done a number
of ways. Tryingto find
something in common is always a good start or current events alwaysseems
to work. Avoidthe typical
pick up lines like “do you come here often” or “can I buy
youa drink”. Remember
thatfirst impressions are very important so dress nice and speak clearly
andintelligently.
Get her Number
After the initial conversation
you should know within a few minutes ifyou want to persue this women or if
your going to punt. Ifyour
going to punt be polite and tell her it was a pleasure to talk toher.
Asking for phonenumbers is another art that is learned
through a lot of practice and failures.
Ihave found that it is usually best to be direct when asking for a phonenumber,
the women know if they went to give it to you after just a fewminutes of
conversation. Afteryou
get the number look at your watch and say you have something to doand that
you will call. Ifyou don’t
have something to do, get something to do.
Thisis important because at this point women usually need
time to think aboutthe conversation and a sense of mystery about you is important.
When to Call
When do you call her?
Nevercall that day, usually a good rule of thumb is to
call two days later. This
way you don’t seem desperate or overly anxious.
Callat a time when she is likely to be home like in the
early evening, notat three in the morning after a night of hard drinking.
Tryto keep the conversation very light hearted and don’t
go into a bunch ofpersonal problems just because someone is listening.
Donot talk about your last relationship or other relationships
that you mightbe currently involved in.
Itis also very important to listen to what she says, she will be very impressed
if you accurately remember things about her that she told you on the phone.
Ifthe conversation goes well, then it is time to ask for
a date.
The First Date
Asking for a date requires a sense
of timing, it’s sort of like throwinga football to a receiver running
a route, there is a small window for thatperfect pass.
A lunchdate is a great first date, it limits the amount
of time, it is relativelycheap and women feel less threaten by a simple lunch
date. Givetwo days that
are good for you and let her decide what day to make thedate.
This is importantbecause women generally want to feel
like they are in control.
Donot pick her up for the lunch date, meet her at the restaurant.
Don’tcome early and on the other hand don’t
be late. UsuallyI try to
arrive about five minutes late for a stylish entrance.
During the Date
This is the time to really get to know your date
and to tell her aboutyourself.
Ask her openended questions about her, every one loves to talk about themselves.
Listenvery closely to what she says.
Listeningand hearing are two totally different things.
Hearingis the physical act of receiving sound through the ear.
Listeningrequires a little more work. then hearing.
Lether talk as much as she wants and do not interrupt her!
Nodeyour head, smile and make little gestures so that she knows
you are acutely listening. When
telling her about yourself, be honest and sincere.
Onceagain don’t go into a long winded explanation
of your last relationship. There
is a time and a place for that and it is defiantly not on the first date.
Trynot to look at other women while on the date, I know that
this is difficultbut you must focus.
Alsouse good table manners!
Keepthe entire date to about an hour and
a half. Thiswill give you plenty
of time to decide if this is a women that you interestedin having a relationship
with. Ifat any point the conversation
goes dry have a back up plan.
Inother words have a subject for a conversation that you can bring up.
Acouple of good examples are current events, sports and future
plans. Afterthis lunch if you
think you want to persue this relationship ask if youcan call her again and
if she would like to go out again.
Hopefullyyou will not ask this if the date did not go well, but if
the date wentwell this should be no problem.
Finallypay for the lunch with out even discussing the bill.
Payeven if the date was a complete failure.
Hopefullythis guide will help with the all important dating
process.