Child Abuse and the Feeling of Helplessness

by Genny Kretschman

Smack! Mother hits me in the face, and I topple to the floor. I know better than to stand there and take the hit. I learned the hard way that she takes that as an act of defiance, which means more hits, or worst of all, no food. I regain my posture and dodge her looks, as she screams in my ear. Please, I say to myself, just let me eat this time. Hit me again, but I have to have food. Another blow pushes my head against the tile counter top (Pelzer, 1995). This is the beginning of a typical day for David Pelzer, a victim of child abuse for four years.

Child abuse is the physical, emotional, or sexual mistreatment of children. That is the typical definition coming from the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. But ask anyone who has been a victim of child abuse, and they might tell you that child abuse is like living in hell, never knowing what might happen to you, and never knowing when it will end. Nobody should have to feel that helpless, and victims are usually left with an uncountable amount of psychological effects. Everyone needs to become more aware of the signs of abuse, and become more educated of a problem that keeps growing every day.

Child abuse can incorporate a wide variety of abusive actions, from acts of commission, to lack of action or omission (Kliegman, 1997). Abuse can start even before the birth of a child, such as maternal drug abuse and failure to seek the usual prenatal health care during pregnancy. After birth, child abuse is divided into four basic forms, and each area overlaps into another. The four areas are physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and emotional abuse.

Children who are at high-risk for child abuse include mentally retarded children, premature infants, infants with chronic medical problems, colicky babies, and children with behavioral problems (Kliegman, 1997). The parents feel that their babies are not as good as they should be. Parents might feel embarrassed to have a child who has some kind of problem. So to alleviate their mortification, parents will take it out on their children. However, there are so many other children who experience child abuse and do not fall under the category of high-risk children.

Physical abuse is defined as inflicting physical pain on a child. Physical pain can include hitting, punching, slapping, or any other violent act that may or may not leave a mark on the body. Children who have been physically abused may experience the following psychiatric disturbances: anxiety, aggressive behavior, paranoid ideation, posttraumatic stress disorder, depressive disorders, suicidal attempts, poor self-esteem, depression, dissociative disorders, substance abuse, and violent behavior/outbursts (Kliegman, 1997). These problems are a direct result of a child feeling lonely, or even guilty, like it was his or her fault that these unfortunate incidences occurred.

Neglect results in more deaths than physical abuse. Neglect occurs when the parent’s belief system runs against the medical needs of the child such as failure to provide adequate nutrition, clothing, heat, basic shelter, and protection from environmental hazards. These hazards will lead to failure to thrive or the direct cause of injury to a child (Kaplan, 1996). The child will be unable to provide anything and will be unable to do anything about it. Children need so much attention and this may be the worst kind of abuse. If parents do not want kids, they should not bring them into the world and force them to live on their own at such a vulnerable age. Children are not at fault for neglect, and the same psychological effects as physical abuse are more likely to occur. I think that of any type of abuse, this one can be helped the most. If 2 people can not raise a child, they should not bring him into the world. And if he is an "accident", then there are many ways to fix that, including abortion and adoption. There are plenty of people out in the world who can not have a baby and would want someone else’s. So instead of neglecting an innocent child, parents should give him up.

Emotional abuse includes intentional verbal or behavioral acts that result in adverse emotional consequences. Emotional neglect occurs when a caretaker will not provide nurturing verbal and behavioral action that is needed for healthy development. Emotional abuse can include rejection, scapegoat assignment, isolation, criticism, and terrorizing of a child (Kliegman, 1997). Children will feel that nobody in the world loves or cares for them, so the greatest effect that this kind of abuse brings on is suicide. A child might think, "Nobody cares, so why should I be here?"

I think the most psychologically harmful kind of abuse is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse involves any minor child for the sexual gratification of an adult. Sexual abuse most commonly occurs by an individual known by the victim, parent or other family member. The abuser is rarely a stranger, although it does happen. Interfamilial sexual abuse is hard to document and manage because a child may not want to reveal the abuser, in case he/she might lose the abuser’s "love". Some behaviors as a result of this abuse may include suicide gestures, fear of an individual place, nightmares, sleep disorders, regression, aggression, withdrawn behavior, post-traumatic stress disorder, poor self-esteem, depression, poor school performances, running away, self-mutilation, anxiety, fire setting, multiple personalities, somatization, phobias, prostitution, drug abuse, and eating disorder (Kaplan, 1996).

Sexual abuse in my opinion is the worst by far of the four kinds of abuse. I think that it is the most misleading, and children would have the hardest time recovering from that kind of abuse. Whether done by pedophiles or just a person who is very sick makes no difference. A pedophile is someone who becomes sexually attracted to children, beginning in their adolescence. Pedophiles seek opportunities that place them in and around children. They are the ones who need help, and should have to go through hell, not the victims. Why do victims have to go through so many problems after the abuse is over, and the abuser can just walk away like nothing? They are sick, but do not have the notion to realize it. Why does sexual abuse happen so much?

The number of child abuse victims is on the increase; however, so is the reporting of sexual abuse and the publicity surrounding sexual abuse. Rate increase between 1976 to 1984 rose from 1 in 10,000 to 17 in 10,000 children. In 1991, of the 838,232 cases of child abuse reported to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System, 15% was sexual abuse (Kaplan, 1996) Why does this happen so much? If the sexual abuse is father-daughter or father-son, it may be that the mother is chronically depressed, chronically ill, their work takes them away on business trips overnight, or mothers show little or no interest in their husbands sexually. Offenders are typically male, but there is some blame that must be placed on the mothers. They are guilty of neglect abuse. The fathers typically show personalities traits like rigidness, patriarchal feelings, emotional immaturity, alcohol or drug abuse, and they usually do not engage in extramarital affairs. But in some cases these roles can be reversed, where the mother can be the offender and the father ignores the situation because of problems of his own.

David Pelzer, a recovered child abuse victim, wrote a book about his experiences. Both his father and mother were slight alcoholics, but they started drinking more when marital problems occurred. His mother, Catherine, when realizing these problems, did turn to alcohol, as well as beginning to abuse her oldest child. She did not abuse him sexually, but physically, emotionally, and neglect. For four years he was the house slave and mocked by his mother. Since she constantly tortured him with unloving words, his brothers, Ron and Stan, learned to think that was the right thing to do. David was referred to an "it", "The Boy’, and many other informal names that his mother thought up. Nobody should have to go through what David suffered for four long years. He learned not to trust anybody, with good reason. Everyone he loved let him down, including his father Stephen. Stephen knew what was going on with his wife, and he saw what she did to David. Yet he did not do anything to help. He turned to alcohol, and eventually left her, but not after he assured David that he would get him out of the clutches of Catherine. While David was at school, the school nurse and a couple teachers recognized the signs of the abuse, and called social workers in, and sent David away. At first he was afraid of what was going to happen to him when he went home, but realizing that he would never have to see his mother again gave him all of the strength and courage he needed.

I am really against any sort of child abuse that happens. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with the effects of it on younger people. My cousin Lorrie was abused as a child by her alcoholic mother. When I first went up to her and asked if I could interview her for this paper, she was apprehensive to talk about the past, but felt comfortable enough to talk. I asked her how she felt, and what emotions were going through her head while sustaining the abuse, and she said she has never felt such hatred and bitterness for her mother. Lorrie does not trust too many people, she is afraid that they will stop loving her just like her mother did. Lorrie endured 2 years of neglect and emotional abuse. Her mother would constantly say to her, "I hate you, I can’t believe I had such a stupid child, Why can’t you just die, Why aren’t you as smart as your sister?" Or her mother would lock her up in her room for days and weeks, and occasionally give her a piece of bread. Lorrie said school was her favorite place to be, and she would stay there as long as possible, doing as much extra work and activities as she could. One day she gathered enough courage up to go to the school nurse and told her everything that has been going on the last two years. Lorrie moved out of her mother’s house and into my house with the rest of my family. We would stay up for hours talking about how she felt. She said she trusted me, and wanted to help me out with something some day. When meeting with her a couple days ago, Lorrie said that this would be her help, and also said this helps me get a good grade on the paper.

When reading stories about child abuse, and reading my book, and listening to people talk about having gone through child abuse, there is one word that always sticks out. Helplessness. Victims feel extremely helpless, and often think either no one will listen to them or nobody will believe them. It is hard to go through such a sensitive crisis, and be able to trust anyone at the end of his or her ordeal. Another one of my friends, who preferred not to be named in this paper, said that after he was sexually abused, he wanted never to trust or love anyone again. He did not think he would emotionally be able to, and was not sure if he could handle the feelings that come with having a girlfriend. When he finally told somebody what was happening to him, all of his doubts were set aside. He told his mother, and she believed him. Together he went and received the help he needed, and right now is finally seeing someone who he loves. He is 18 and finally after four years, feels cured of the psychological effects that were bothering him.

Honestly, child abuse makes me sick. How anyone could intentionally harm anyone, led alone a child is even worse. First off, the offenders physically and emotionally hurt a child, then leave them with numerous psychological effects that may never leave them. No one should ever feel that helpless, and have to doubt the people they once thought loved them. I chose to right this paper in hoping that I get my point across. People need to be more educated about abuse. It is becoming too normal for everyday life. I am only 19, and know personally two people who have been abused. Is it going to become a regular occurrence for at least one child in every family to be abused in some way? But if everyone in every community works together in providing the proper information and education, people can stop abuse before it even starts. We can stop this feeling of helplessness going around today.

References

Kaplan, Michael. (1996, September). A Boy or Girl. Children Today, pp. 25-29.

Kleigman, Arvin. (1997, March). The Effects of Child Abuse on All Involved. Psychology:Today and Tomorrow, pp. 17-39.

Pelzer, Dave. (1995). A Child Called "It". Florida: Health Communications, Inc.

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