Probing Deeply

Probing Deeply: From Description to Analysis in your Thesis Statement

A Paired writing activity. Be sure that each person saves a copy of today's in-class work. Send a copy to me.

names:

A.In groups of two, exchange your freewriting for today about freedom. Discuss your perspectives. Agree on three or four points about freedom and write thoseideas here:

B.Note one area in which you disagree (unless you are in complete agreement):

Each person should now write, separately, a paragraph about those three or four points listed above.

Compare your paragraphs. What differences do you note?

If you were to write an essay about freedom, including these commonly-held points and one disagreement, what would you first paragraph look like? Consider the shape of a V. Use this shape to guide your first paragraph in the following manner, with the idea that you moving from the most general statement about your subject to the most focused statement about your thesis:

1. sentence 1 and 2: introduce the concept of freedom generally. You might write something like this:

In the United States, children learn very quickly that freedom is an important national value.

2. In the next sentence or two, pick one aspect of that first sentence and go into more depth about it. For example, you might write something like this:

We learn to sing patriotic songs, including our national anthem, that extol the strength and power of the essential components of freedom: our land is free, our homes are brave, mountains are majestic, skies are spacious, and this land is yours and mine. We pledge allegiance daily in school, standing erect in front of the classroom flag, with our right hand flat against our hearts, "with liberty and justice for all."

3. In the next two or three sentences, formulate an opinion statement about the previous sentences. You might write something like this:

We may not really understand the power of the images in the songs we sing or the loyalty to values and principles we claim when we are only six, seven, or eight years old, but eventually, these phrases and icons--flags with stripes and stars, expansive mountain ranges across the West, and clear, bright blue skies--claim our hearts and minds, helping us to develop our convictions about what it means to be a citizen of the United States of America.

4. Finally, form an opinion about the most recent statements, perhaps identifying a cause and effect relationship. This final statement provides a sense of direction and purpose to the rest of the essay, helps you organize your key points and supporting details and arguments, and predicts the entire essay for the reader.

You might write something like this:

When we reach adulthood, it is time to draw upon those convictions and work for ways to really help achieve these important goals at home and around the world. In small ways every day, we can keep the ideals of justice and equality alive in our personal interactions with friends, colleagues at our workplaces, and within our families. As each one of us makes justice and equality a reality in our own lives, we help to demonstrate the values we learned as children to our communities and the rest of the world.

Let's look at this paragraph in its entirety:

In the United States, children learn very quickly that freedom is an important national value. We learn to sing patriotic songs, including our national anthem, that extol the strength and power of the essential components of freedom: our land is free, our homes are brave, mountains are majestic, skies are spacious, and this land is yours and mine. We pledge allegiance daily in school, standing erect in front of the classroom flag, with our right hand flat against our hearts, "with liberty and justice for all." We may not really understand the power of the images in the songs we sing or the loyalty to values and principles we claim when we are only six, seven, or eight years old, but eventually, these phrases and icons--flags with stripes and stars, expansive mountain ranges across the West, and clear, bright blue skies--claim our hearts and minds, helping us to develop our convictions about what it means to be a citizen of the United States of America. When we reach adulthood, it is time to draw upon those convictions and work for ways to really help achieve these important goals at home and around the world. In small ways every day, we can keep the ideals of justice and equality alive in our personal interactions with friends, colleagues at our workplaces, and within our families. As each one of us makes justice and equality a reality in our own lives, we help to demonstrate the values we learned as children to our communities and the rest of the world.

Look at the paragraph you just wrote with your partner. Make any changes to make your voice more powerful by choosing more specific and precise words, or creating strong images for readers to see in their minds, or changing sentence structure to emphasize key points. You could also see if you can work in key points about the readings you looked at for today by Jefferson and King. Send this final version to me and to each other. For example, I would add this sentence:

In Jefferson's final draft of the "Declaration of Independence" and Martin Luther King's "Letter from Birmingham Jail," we can draw inspiration for creating lives steeped in justice and equality.

With this added sentence, my reader should recognize that not only am I going to focus on those things we can do on a daily basis to bring freedom into action, but I am also going to integrate a few points from Jefferson and King to enhance my appeals to logos, ethos, and pathos. I will "borrow" credibility from Jefferson and King when I quote them, thus enhancing my own character (ethos). I will increase my overall credibility as a citizen by referencing important historical documents (logos), and I will strengthen my connections to my readers by reminding them of our dedication to the songs of freedom we sing, the documents we memorize as schoolchildren, and the fury we feel when we face injustice (pathos).